My caviar is never wasted. Those privileged enough to dine on my excrement must consume every last morsel. I’ll begin feeding them while seated on my plush toilet chair, carefully placing each serving of caviar into their mouth, accompanied by a glass of champagne. I’ll ensure every bit makes it directly into their mouth, as they prove to be an eager consumer of waste. However, once I’ve finished defecating, I notice a few pieces have fallen out of their mouth. I quickly catch them with my fingers and place them back, ensuring not a single crumb of my delectable caviar goes to waste.