Dear Andy, after our lengthy conversations, I have decided that you will serve as my personal living toilet during my vacation. I’m tired of giving my waste to a cold, unfeeling porcelain toilet, and you have eagerly agreed to take its place.
Prepare to consume my urine, clean my dirty bottom with your tongue, and eat my feces. Welcome, my new toilet bowl – you no longer have a name. Open your mouth, for I wish to relieve myself, marking the beginning of your new role as my personal waste receptacle. Swallow everything without chewing, savoring the taste of my smelly chocolate treat.
Your first serving may not be sufficient, but do not worry, for there will be more to come. Enjoy the lingering aftertaste of my feces and await my return. Wake up, toilet bowl, for I have returned to use you again, even during the night. Open your mouth wider, for I am about to defecate into it once more.
You have performed well during your first day, so I have decided to leave you in this role for the entire duration of my vacation, which is more than a month. Congratulations, you are now officially my toilet bowl and shit-eater. Get used to consuming my waste at any time of the day or night.