Assume a punished position and gaze upon the cans. Open them and give them a try. If it’s not to your liking, we’ll spread it on. Scoop more, spread more generously, covering your entire body. Allow me to assist you. Ensure your face is well-coated, your hair included. Marvel at your new appearance. Did you enjoy it, have you cheered up, you schmuck? Now go and wash up.