Today is a day of momentous release for me, as I find myself rushing to the restroom with a severe stomach ache. The question on my mind is, will it be soft or firm? Stay tuned to find out. Upon evacuation, I will declare: “Behold, the impressive quantity of waste I have produced. Who among you would dare to volunteer as my personal restroom? These are my offerings, which you must consume. I welcome you with open arms, and I