Lady Scarlet: I have a new slave awaiting me by the throne. He’s rather clumsy and, strangely, he’s lying face down. As I turn him over, I understand his bashfulness – what on earth is that tiny lump between his legs? I can’t believe my eyes, it’s the smallest penis I’ve ever seen, so comical it doesn’t even resemble a penis because of its shape! I attempt to touch it, but it’s shorter than my fingernails: at least he doesn’t seem impotent, as he’s sporting a tiny erection. I reach for the ruler to measure it: 4cm erect! I simply must share this and, as I continue to taunt and ridicule him, I take a selfie to send to all my friends, laughing hysterically!