Welcome to the world’s finest restaurant, where the cuisine is truly unparalleled. As the head chef, I take great pride in presenting my signature dish – a simmering stew that has been carefully crafted in my very own “crockpot,” my belly. This stew is made with only the highest quality ingredients, each one carefully selected and prepared to create a truly unforgettable dining experience.
I boast of my culinary skills and the excellence of this meal, which has been intentionally prepared to be served in a unique way. On my hands and knees, I present to you the first course – a semi-soft stew that is sure to delight the senses. The stew may have some undigested food and may have splattered on the expensive wooden floor, but this is all part of the unique dining experience.
Together, we admire the array of ingredients and textures in this course, digging through it with our cutlery to expose all the bits of undigested food. The soft, smeary, wet sounds of the stew are sure to be ASMR-approved. The second course is a smaller portion, but don’t be fooled – it is very dense and full of a variety of food bits and pieces. The texture is truly exquisite.
I look forward to serving you again in this top-tier restaurant, where dining is truly an art form.